I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
