Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
