I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
