Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He has the fingertips of a God
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
