I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
