it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
