Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
