U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
