well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
