Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
