You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
