i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
