So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
