...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
