Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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