I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
