in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
