About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
