I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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