I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
