i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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