Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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