I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
