I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
