nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
