Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
