i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
