none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
