It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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