Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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