Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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