I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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