Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
