I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize