my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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