I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The best revenge is premature balding
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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