i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
