Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
