I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
