i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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