She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
