we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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