tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
