After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I die, sorry about rent.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
