So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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