I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
