Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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