I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
