We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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