So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
