what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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