"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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