The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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