At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
