I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
