I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up backwards on a recliner
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
