butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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