The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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