dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
