So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
