worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sext me about skeletons
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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