the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
