remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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