the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
