my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
