i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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