Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
