Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
