this boner is exhausting
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize