I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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