We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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