I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
