do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
