After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
