the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
