i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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