You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
