Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
