didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
