If that was your dad, he is hot
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
