That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
